A chance at new beginnings.
For all kinds of people, that resolution is to get back in shape. Because by George, this year is going to be their year!
For others, their New Year’s resolution is to not lose their minds with all the new people at the gym.
I’m someone who has been hitting up my local gym since high school (back when I was riding the football bench). But I’ve always been someone to head out to the gym at like 11 PM.
That way, I can avoid the crowds (and most of the people that give gyms a bad name), get in and get out.
But even at midnight, there’s a major upswing in resolutionists.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
Frankly being the only person in the gym some nights is a strange feeling. Like a machine could topple over and nobody would find my twitching body until the next morning.
The thing is, there’s some gym etiquette we really need to go over.
And this gym etiquette isn’t only for newbies. It’s for everyone.
For the Love of God, Why Are You Wearing Cologne?
You know, I’d get it (somewhat), if you hit up the gym right after work. You might have some lingering musk. But unless I’m spotting you that shouldn’t be evident.
I’m talking about not being the bro that douses himself in so much cologne I can actually see the vapor trails fluttering behind you like a cape.
Sweet Jesus, I’d honestly get hit with BO than that. And you probably know the cologne I’m talking about. That overly sweet Calvin Klein cologne nobody should wear post-high school.
Every potential stripper with glitter makeup seems to be hosed down in the perfume (I’m picturing Andy Defresne in walking into Shawshank prison, but instead of delousing powder and water it’s glitter and perfume) and every d-bag skips showering in lieu of a Calvin Klein bath.
At the gym, you should at some point be breathing hard. If you’re in taking mouthfuls of cologne air something is wrong.
So don’t be that person.
Grab Your Weights, Go Back To Your Seat
Sometimes, especially when you’re first starting off, you don’t know how much weight you need with the dumbbells.
Nothing wrong with that.
However, don’t be the person who grabs the weights and does every set standing right in front of the racks so nobody can grab the weights.
Nobody actually wants to have a conversation at the gym.
Because everyone has something else they’d like to be doing.
Basically, don’t prevent other people from getting their own workout done because you’re half-assing another set of curls and blocking everyone else from the weight.
Yes, The Mirror Is For More Than Selfies
Yes, people are going to take selfies of themselves.
There will people the people who watch themselves walk because they are so engrossed with their own reflection.
Narcissus would have some serious self-love competition if he walked into the modern gym.
But those mirrors actually do serve a purpose. For some lifts, like deadlifts or squats, you actually need the mirror to watch your posture and to make sure you’re squatting down properly.
So if someone is using the mirror, for the love of god, don’t walk in front of them and block their view.
It’s not only a dick move but you’re opening up the possibility of them injuring themselves.
Just the other day I was at the squat rack and as I was going down someone walked in front of me, stopped, and had a conversation with someone else behind me. Completely tossed my concentration. When you’ve got 300+ pounds wobbling off your shoulders, losing concentration is a no go.
So do what you’re going to do with the mirrors, just don’t block others when they are using it.
Don’t Be Creepin’
I’m not going to dive into the obvious gym etiquette staples of wiping the machine down and racking weights. That’s like reminding someone of flushing a toilet or taking care of dishes when at a friend’s house (and if you need toilet flush reminding you probably shouldn’t be let out in public, to begin with).
I will point out one last thing though.
Please don’t be creepin’ on anyone.
If your main goal in going to the gym is to meet someone just go to the bar. Or a dance class.
Hell, anywhere else.
Is a gym membership really worth trying to hit on someone? Why not save the money and buy more of that Calvin Klein cologne you love so much>
Like I said earlier, nobody wants to have a conversation at the gym.
Especially with strangers complimenting their elliptical form.
If an organic conversation comes up, cool. Maybe you both reach for the cleaning spray or something. That all works.
Just avoid being a creep.
I’m Missing Something, Right?
I know I’m missing some gym etiquette tips, right?
I basically tossed this together after a midnight gym session of weirdness.
But what kind of etiquette tips would you throw out there? What grinds your gears or boils your blood?
Let me know! I’d love to hear from you.