The next time.
Oh, god. I’m already thinking of the next time.
We’re not even through the current virus outbreak and I’m already talking about the next one to come.
Maybe I’m a bit off my rocker, but I don’t think this is the last time mass quarantines and stay-at-home orders are put out.
Because most of these viruses tend to spring up from animals we haven’t previously had much contact with. And, if you look at the rate countries like Brazil and China are chomping through jungles and forests, it’s only a matter of time before some other crazy viruses spring up.
This one just happens to be more contagious and less fatal than past pandemics like H1N1.
But what happens if the next one is more contagious and more fatal? Well, then we’ve got some problems.
And with my ass locked at home, I figure there’s no time like the present to begin planning for the next quarantine go around.
Going To Start Growing Food
I live in an apartment now. I think I’ll change that in the next few years. But wherever I am, I’m going to start growing more of my own food.
The last time I was at the store, middle of this quarantine, I was watching some woman, bare hands and all, go through and fondle every single damn tomato like she was screening them for cancer.
Thanks, lady, you just contaminated a stack of 700 tomatoes.
I’m going to avoid that issue and have at least some kind of garden going at all times. Thankfully it’s possible to at least grow some things pretty easily. But whatever I can grow will help distance me from the veggie fondlers.
No, I Mean Really Grow
But I don’t want to stop at just a tomato and pepper plant. I want to really grow some stuff. I started an orange tree and kiwi tree recently.
Because I want some GD oranges and kiwis, that’s why.
And yeah, I know those things won’t start producing fruit for several years. But that’s alright. It gives me time to purchase a house with a backyard and then put up a greenhouse.
I have no idea how to operate a greenhouse, but my goal is to be able to walk into my greenhouse in the middle of a quarantine and grab an orange, maybe a mango, and yes, an avocado, all at the same time.
What can I say, I have big goals.
But if I’ve learned anything from this pandemic it’s that people are idiots.
They’re buying 10 years of canned beef ravioli, springing for 78 cases of bottled water, and a platoon’s worth of toilet paper.
All while tossing their used rubber gloves on the ground, making the $7.25 workers pick them up.
Like I said, idiots.
So the less time I have to spend around people at grocery stores the better. And that all starts with me growing my own food.
But Why Stop There?
Maybe I’ll get a goat.
Goats are cool, right?
Not interested in getting a giant cow.
Chickens? Eh, I’ve heard they’re a lot of work. But maybe that was just chicken people telling me that so they could hoard all the chickens.
With a goat though I could at least get some goat milk and make some cheese. And let’s face it, goat cheese is beyond underrated.
This way, I’ll be able to live off my fruit, my veggies, and my goat cheese.
Let everyone else live off their decade of canned pasta.
Not really sure why they’ll need all that toilet paper though. They’ll be so backed up they won’t even be able to use the bathroom.
Making My Own Booze
Okay, so setting up a still in the backyard probably wouldn’t work. And I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.
Thankfully making beer isn’t. I’ve been wanting to get into home brewing for years. My apartment manager said I couldn’t.
They were also assholes and RAISED my rent $400 a month once this thing started. So maybe I should get my money’s worth and brew beer anyway.
This time around the government has liquor stores as essential businesses. Honestly, after looking at the “essential business” lists it seems every business is essential except for tattoo joints and hair salons.
But, woof, after seeing some of these people’s ZOOM videos, I’m going on record to say saloons should be essential.
Anyway, the next time around they might end up closing down the liquor stores. I’d at least like to have some of my own beer on hand for when times get real rough.
So then I’ll have fruits and veggies, cheese, and beer.
No rubber gloves needed and dealing with idiots no longer necessary.