Star Wars might have been a long time ago and in some other galaxy not all that near to our own, but you better believe they’re drinking more than just Corellian Rum. Now what if the essence of each Star Wars character was distilled down into our favorite brewed concoction? We could finally discover what scruffy nerf herder and walking carpet tastes like. Or perhaps we should just stick to regular beer.
English Style Brown Ale
This is a bit of an “All too easy”, softball answer, so I figured I’d get it out of the way. The guy’s a bleeding eye or shrapnel teeth away from being a Bond villain, but instead, he settles on blowing up planets. Seems like after global destruction he’d go back to his quarters, kick his boots up (or was it slippers?) and enjoy a nice, room temperature bottle of English brown ale.
She’s a little bitter when we first meet her. But then again, wouldn’t you be if you had been chilling on a slab in detention block AA-23 (word is block AA-24 came with rec time and a phone call)? But after opening up to the bitterness, she offers enough of a grapefruit pucker to land a smooch on her long-lost twin brother.
The first time you try a lambic, you can’t help but complain a bit. This isn’t a beer! It tastes like raspberries! I want to go to Toshi Station and pick up power converters! But after it settles down and becomes its own, you discover not only is it an incredible beer but may just become your favorite beer out there. Plus, you’re an OG OT kind of fan, and all those sequel fans of sours just don’t understand.
Sure, Lando…er, I mean Billie Dee, Might hawk malt liquor, but he’s far too sophisticated to be drinking that kind of hooch in the flicks. Lando is the kind of guy who drinks gold liquor out of diamond decanters. I’d even be willing to bet the Max Rebo Band has a hit single about that exact kind of booze and it’s effect on a twei’lek “All night long” in a rancor pit.
As for Han, he’s rough around the edges, you never really know what to expect, but despite a back-story you may or may not want to know, he’s always there when you need him.
Chewie is the loveable copilot you just can’t hate. Seriously, have you ever heard someone talk bad about him? That’s like someone making fun of your family dog. The same is true with a wheat beer. You find a solid one, it’s good any time of the year, everyone enjoys it, and it’s a reliable option when you just want something good. It may never be your top beer style, but it’s always a great co-pilot.
Porters are great with age. The same is true with Master Kenobi. Plus, if you’re ever stuck in the desert, watching a young boy grow up from your bedroom window on the top of a….you know, I didn’t realize how creepy “Old Ben” really sounded until I started to write all that. Let’s just say an extended babysitting gig means you need something with complexity and tastes good without refrigeration. Sounds like a porter to me.
Stouts are like the less refined version of their porter teachers. A little more edgy with a little more flash. But why a nitro stout in particular? Because that creamy nitro-infused head is just as smooth as James Earl Jone’s voice. And who knows, maybe somewhere in that more-machine-than-man suit of his there was a bit of nitrogen pumping through his veins.
So what do you think? What beers would Star Wars characters be for you? Let me know in the comments! And don’t worry, R2 and 3PO will be in the next installment.