The Definitive Ways to Drink Coke Ranked
Not all Coke is created equal.
Sometimes there’s nothing like an ice-cold Coca-Cola to beat the heat, but for whatever reason, some forms just taste better.
Maybe some restaurants pump extra syrup into their mixtures. Heck, maybe others are going O.G. on us and sprinkling in some actual blow to make it taste that much better.
Whatever is going on behind the scenes, some forms of Coke just taste better.
Here are my definitive rankings.
2-Liter
This option isn’t great.
The temperature is never just right. It’s never as crisp or as bubbly as you want it. Sure, economically it’s fine, but for me, the only time a 2-liter is an acceptable form of soda delivery is for a child’s pizza party and if you’re cutting the Coca-Cola with Jack (I’m more of a whisky neat guy myself).
20-Ounce Bottle
Plastic bottles just aren’t optimal.
Yes, it’s better than the jumbo 2-liter, but for me, there’s still something a bit off with the carbonation.
Sure, it works when you want to reseal the bottle and save some for later, but that later better be in the next hour or so. Otherwise, that plastic is going to get warm and flat real quick.
12-Ounce Fat Can
Now we’re starting to warm up a bit.
I like the cans better in terms of taste. I also think the carbonation is a bit better than the 20-ounce bottle. It’s also small enough for you to enjoy in one sitting without feeling like you’re forcing yourself to drink a few extra ounces of room-temperature soda.
The box of 12-ounce fat cans is also perfect for the fridge. It’s easy to open and the perforated corner makes it easy to reach in and grab a can without spilling the box’s entire contents onto the floor.
12-Ounce Skinny Cans
The box is more annoying than the fat cans. And only eight cans come in a box. But in terms of taste, I like the skinny cans over the fat cans.
I know, I sound crazy. But I think with a skinnier can there is more liquid pressed against aluminum, which helps keep the Coke colder. I find from start to finish I have a more consistent drinking experience than I do with the stubby cans.
The biggest problem with these cans though is fitting them back into a box when taking the empties to the store for a bottle deposit refund. Once upon a time, you’d secretly curse anyone who showed up to a house party with Coors Light because of the “Silver Bullet” skinny cans. But now Coke has adopted the same skinny can design.
Glass Bottle Coke
I’m a sucker for the classic. There’s just something about the sound a glass bottle makes when being cracked open. And bonus points if it’s been opened by a bottle opener bolted into the vending machine.
Soda Fountain Coke
Getting a fountain Coke is kind of like getting a beer on tap. There’s just something better about it. Maybe it’s the fresh mixing of carbonation and water with the syrup. Maybe it’s the freshly carbonated beverage pouring over ice. Or maybe it’s just my imagination, but there’s something absolutely refreshing about a fountain Coke.
McDonald’s Fountain Coke
Some dealers get the drugs that have been cut and re-cut with additives. Others get the pure stuff. McDonald’s is the kingpin of Coke dealers and they get the pure Coke.
I’m sure none of that is true, but for some dang reason, McDonald’s Coke is better than any other restaurant. Maybe it’s because the cola is accompanied with saturated fats and a week’s worth of sodium, but when it comes to a refreshing soda, the McDonald’s Fountain Coke is almost impossible to beat.
3rd World Country Bottle Coke
I said the McDonald’s fountain Coke is almost impossible to beat, but there is one that finds a way.
This ranking is more situational than anything else, but the only memories I have seared into my brain that revolves around the drinking of a soda, I’ve been in a third world country.
Usually, you’re wandering through massive outdoor stalls selling goods, clothing, weird knick-knacks, and who knows what else. It’s 100 degrees with 100 percent humidity. You’re sweating in places you’d rather not think about, and that luke-warm water you’re carrying just isn’t helping.
But then, out of the corner of your eye, you see a small vendor hawking glass bottles of Coke. The bottles are scuffed up from being countlessly recycled and the tops are dusty from all the dirt kicked up around it.
At that moment you’re willing to hand over all the cash in your wallet for the Coke, but thankfully it only costs the equivalent of a few cents. You hand over the cash and, in return, are given a chilled bottle with a straw poking out the top. And when you take that first sip it’s like a scene out of a romance comedy where the nerd finally kisses his dream girl and time stands still.
Am I overselling it a bit?
Not at all.
But what say you? What is your favorite kind of Coke? How would you rank them? Let me know!
